The Epic KP Got Talent ! Parody

As I was viewing MPM Bersama Mahasiswa UTM group, one of the student posted about his residential college dinner gimmick. Definitely not my from my college of course. It's an artwork from Perdana College. My comment about this parody was, it's 

FREAKING AWESOMELY CREATIVE !

Here are some of their videos. Teehee!

Ninja

and this one was from last year dinner.

I can only say one thing.

Epic gimmick is EPIC!

Stating the Obvious Malaysians Level

I really wanted to watch Lawak Ke Der? at Istana Budaya but never had time for that. Err. Well. My time during holidays were preoccupied with work and some other stuffs.

Anyway, this is the first one I watched and it was EPIC!

What can I say,

Awesome joke, is OHSEMMM!

Here are some of my favourite moments. :D

We, Malaysians, love stating the obvious. DUHH!

 *

Singaporeans have a special place to cross the roads but we have a whole roads to cross by using the power of hand.

 *

And I was wondering the same thing too about the accident. I just realized that during accident in Malaysia, we often asked "Melayu ke Cina?" but seldom we asked about the Indian. We should change it to "Melayu, India, Cina ke Lain-lain?". Right?

 *

Then, about the old-school and new-school stuffs. Yesteryears, they had only 2 channels. But now, we had tv 1,2,3,7,8,9, Astro 101, 102, 103... Then back to channel 101 again. Finally, the epic comment was "800 channels and got nothing on la!"

*

When we come to the DJ and requested a soul song, Mr DJ would give you one good soul song that would shake your shoulders and hips. If asked Mr DJ nowadays about soul song he'd put on a different song. That epic moment when Harith's performance had Nobody But You from Wonder Girls. Hah. Mr DJ, you should know how to differentiate soul and Seoul. Anyway, it was cute to see Harith dancing to the Nobody But You song. 

*

About the radio DJ. I also laughed to the request callers. Request a song to the next person sitting to you via phone calls. Save your money and just say

takyah telefon, bagi taw je. 

*

Last but not least, me and Harith has one in common which is CSI lover. I love how he put up a show about CSI. It was OHSEMM! Even CSI Malaysia was funny too. It depicts real situation, I guess. XD 

Z : I love Harith's body language and his English. :D

LOL #7 : Travelers' Tales

My Grandmother
When my grandma first when to New Zealand from Malaysia, she had to go through customs like everybody else. The customs officer asked her whether she had any dried fish, salted shrimps, belacan, cincalok or durians. Unaware that this was part of the routine inspection, 
grandma politely replied, "had I known you wanted any sir, I would have brought you some."


*

I got them. XD

Math-ness
At NY's Kennedy airport some years ago, an individual - later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the US attorney 
general disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math destruction.


"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," he declared. they seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle.


When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "if God had wanted us to have better weapons of math destruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that it is intent on protecting us from
these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with culculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line.


The president warned, "these weapons of math destruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."


The Attorney General concluded, "as our great leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens."


*



The Polish Eye Test

A Polish immigrant went to the JPJ to apply for a driver's license. First, of course he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters : "c z w i x n o s t a c z ."

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the polish guy replied, "I know this guy."

Z : Got these jokes?

LOL #6 : Dining Out

What A Coincidence

Two fellows are sitting at a pub late one night somewhere near Brickfields when one of them says to the other, "How are things? You live around here?"

The other guy says, "Nope! I'm from Bandar Utama."

"Me too. What a coincidence! Where did you go to school?"

"La Salle PJ."

"Really? So did I! What year did you leave school?"

"1985."

"So did I! Which section do you live in PJ?"

"SS 122/25!"

"I live there too! What does your old man do for living?"

"Char kuey tiaw."

"Really? Mine too!"

Just then, another guy walks in and asks the bartender, "What's new?"

The bartender replies, "Nothing much! Except that the Wangcheow twins are drunk again!"

*

Chinese Graduate

At the end of a big international conference, a dinner was held at a five-star hotel in KL. An American delegate was seated next to a Chinaman who was making all kinds of crude sounds as he ate his dinner. The American delegate who was seated next to the Chinaman pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, "Likee soupee?"

The Chinese gentleman nodded eagerly.

A little later, it was "Likee fishee?" and "Likee meatee?" and "Likee fruitee?" and always the response was an affable nod.

At the end of the dinner, the Chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker for the evening - none other than the Chinese gentleman. He delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable Queen's English, mush to the antonishment of the American neighbour.

When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye asked, "Likee speechee?"

*

If Siti, Shoba & Siew Kheng go out for lunch, they willl call each other Siti, Shoba & Siew Kheng.

If Malek, Daven & Joo Hock go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Buaya.

When the bill arrives, Malek, Daven & Joo Hock will each throw RM20, even though the total bill is only RM42.30. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want any change back.

When the girl get their bill, out come the pocket calculator.

Z : Stating the obvious isn't it?

*

You Know You Are Malaysian When...

• You love to talk about food. You're already thinking about what to have for dinner while eating lunch. "I'm stuffed. What shall I have for dinner?"
• You have about six meals a day (breakfast, mid-morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner & supper). Then there's the snacking...kepok ikan, pisang goreng, muruku, jam tarts and the like.
• You're willing to consume sambal petai and durian, and gladly suffer the bloating and wind break incidents.
• You get the whole family dressed to the nines, jump into the car and head for the minister's open house and ask for styrofoam boxes and plastic bags to tapaw the food.
• You fail to function normally without your daily dose of teh tarik and nasi lemak. A great combo!
• You order fried noodles and fried chicken, complain about how oily the food is, and then proceed to finished it anyway.
• You catch all major televised events at the mamak.
• You pop open the wet tissue packet at the Chinese restaurant by squeezing the trapped air to the top of the packet before proceeding to smash your fist into it. The louder the pop the better.
• You dive into a communal-style meal the moment the dish lands on the table only to hesitate at the last morsel of food on the serving dish. There are two possible explainations for this: the first is the embarrassed factor, while the other is the myth that the person who eats the last piece will be a spinster.
• You never travel abroad without a bottle of chilli sauce which you can sneak into restaurants.
• If the table is for four and you got more than 4 people, "sambong meja" can be heard clearly. Nobody left out, right?!

LOL #5 : Doctors

Diet Procedure

Hamid was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5kg."

After two weeks, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20kg. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

Hamid nodded obediently. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from all that skipping."

*

Definitions

Have you heard of Ah Kok applying to medical school to become a doctor? Needless to say, he never made it. Wanna know why?

These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam:

• Antibody - against everyone
• Artery - the study of paintings
• Bacteria - the back door to a cafeteria
• Ceasarean section - a district in Rome
• Cardiology - advance study of poker playing
• Cat scan - searching for lost kitty
• Chronic - neck of a crow
• Coma - ,
• Cortisone - area around local court
• Cyst - short for sister
• Diagnosis - person with slanted nose
• Dislocation - in this place
• Duodenum - couple in blue jeans
• Enema - not a friend
• Fake labour - pretending to work
• Genes - blue denim
• Hernia - she is close by
• Impotent - well-known/distinguish
• Labour pain - hurt at work
• Lactose - people without toes
• Lymph - walk unsteadily
• Obesity - city of Obe
• Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace prize
• Proteins - in favour of teens
• Pus - small cat
• Red blood count - dracula
• Secretion - hiding anything
• Tablet - small table
• Ultrasound - radical noise
• Urine - opposite of you're out
• Varicose - very close

Z : XD

LOL #4 : Lawyers

Doctor or Lawyer
A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, "How did it get into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?"


"Well Dad," answered the son, "did you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and shout frantically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?'"


*


Lawyer's Son
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honours, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, Father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!"


His father responded, "You idiot, we could live on the funding on that case for another ten years!"


*


New Client
A lawyer opened his own office right after successfully passing the bar exam. Sitting idly at his desk, his secretary announced that Mr Abu was there to see him. The lawyer told his secretary to show him right in.


Thinking that it was a new client, he wanted to make a good impression. As Mr Abu was entering his office, the lawyer picked up the phone and yelled into it ... "Absolutely not! You tell them I will not settle this case for less than RM100000. Don't bother me again until that amount has been agreed to!"


Slamming the phone down, he greeted Mr Abu saying, "How do you do Mr Abu. What can I do to help you?"


Mr Abu replied, "Hi, I'm from the phone company. I'm here to connect your phone."

Z : More to come as I haven't finish read the book.

LOL #3 : Shut Down

You know it's time to turn your computer off when...

1. You sign off, and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You meet the mailman at the curb, and think he said, "You've got mail!".
4. You see something funny and exclaim, "LOL!"
5. You're on the phone and say "BRB."
6. You beg your friends to get an account so you can say "hang out"
7. You say "Scroll Up" when someone asks what it was you said.
8. You start to experience withdrawal symptoms after not being online for awhile.
9. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs.
10. Tech support calls YOU for help.

Z : Most of it happened to me. What to do, I'm a computer science student.

LOL #2 : The Human Race

I found out about this during my matriculation days in Menara Pentadbiran, MP for short.

Here it goes.

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made."

Two days later, the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago, there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused little girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it's very simple; I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his."

LOL #1 : Divorce Letter

Dear Wife,
I'm writting you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been stressful. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.


Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked you favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk pyjamas. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want anything that connects us as husband and wife.


Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.


Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to Chiang Mai. Have a great life!

* * *

Dear EX-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.


I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping.


I did notice you got a new haircut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was that you look just like a girl. Since my mother raised me up not to say anything if I can't say something nice, I didn't comment.


And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have confused me with my sister, because I stopped eating beef seven years ago.


About those new silk pyjamas, I turned away from you because the RM50 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was coincidence that my sister had just borrowed RM50 from me that morning.


After all of this, I still loved you and felt like that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for RM10,000,000, I quit my job and bought us two ticket to Hawaii. But when I got home, you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.


I hope you have fulfilling life you've always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.


Signed,
Your EX-Wife, Rich As Ever and Free!
P.S I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Miew-Li was born Man-Li. I hope that's not a problem.

Pandai dierorg nih buat dialog. Terbaekk arr budak jurus wajib & FMj.
LOL
Reality : During this time, we're bored and tired of waiting for the bus.

Z : I got this from a joke book. I'll share more of it in here. XD