LOL #6 : Dining Out

What A Coincidence

Two fellows are sitting at a pub late one night somewhere near Brickfields when one of them says to the other, "How are things? You live around here?"

The other guy says, "Nope! I'm from Bandar Utama."

"Me too. What a coincidence! Where did you go to school?"

"La Salle PJ."

"Really? So did I! What year did you leave school?"

"1985."

"So did I! Which section do you live in PJ?"

"SS 122/25!"

"I live there too! What does your old man do for living?"

"Char kuey tiaw."

"Really? Mine too!"

Just then, another guy walks in and asks the bartender, "What's new?"

The bartender replies, "Nothing much! Except that the Wangcheow twins are drunk again!"

*

Chinese Graduate

At the end of a big international conference, a dinner was held at a five-star hotel in KL. An American delegate was seated next to a Chinaman who was making all kinds of crude sounds as he ate his dinner. The American delegate who was seated next to the Chinaman pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, "Likee soupee?"

The Chinese gentleman nodded eagerly.

A little later, it was "Likee fishee?" and "Likee meatee?" and "Likee fruitee?" and always the response was an affable nod.

At the end of the dinner, the Chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker for the evening - none other than the Chinese gentleman. He delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable Queen's English, mush to the antonishment of the American neighbour.

When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye asked, "Likee speechee?"

*

If Siti, Shoba & Siew Kheng go out for lunch, they willl call each other Siti, Shoba & Siew Kheng.

If Malek, Daven & Joo Hock go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Buaya.

When the bill arrives, Malek, Daven & Joo Hock will each throw RM20, even though the total bill is only RM42.30. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want any change back.

When the girl get their bill, out come the pocket calculator.

Z : Stating the obvious isn't it?

*

You Know You Are Malaysian When...

• You love to talk about food. You're already thinking about what to have for dinner while eating lunch. "I'm stuffed. What shall I have for dinner?"
• You have about six meals a day (breakfast, mid-morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner & supper). Then there's the snacking...kepok ikan, pisang goreng, muruku, jam tarts and the like.
• You're willing to consume sambal petai and durian, and gladly suffer the bloating and wind break incidents.
• You get the whole family dressed to the nines, jump into the car and head for the minister's open house and ask for styrofoam boxes and plastic bags to tapaw the food.
• You fail to function normally without your daily dose of teh tarik and nasi lemak. A great combo!
• You order fried noodles and fried chicken, complain about how oily the food is, and then proceed to finished it anyway.
• You catch all major televised events at the mamak.
• You pop open the wet tissue packet at the Chinese restaurant by squeezing the trapped air to the top of the packet before proceeding to smash your fist into it. The louder the pop the better.
• You dive into a communal-style meal the moment the dish lands on the table only to hesitate at the last morsel of food on the serving dish. There are two possible explainations for this: the first is the embarrassed factor, while the other is the myth that the person who eats the last piece will be a spinster.
• You never travel abroad without a bottle of chilli sauce which you can sneak into restaurants.
• If the table is for four and you got more than 4 people, "sambong meja" can be heard clearly. Nobody left out, right?!